so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
