Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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