THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize