i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
