Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
