I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
