i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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