Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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