I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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