Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
