You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
