I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
