I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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