when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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