woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
