Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
