I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
