i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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