We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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