Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
