Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
