We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
