Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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