i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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