things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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