You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
