I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
