just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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