Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
