Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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