i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
