How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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