I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
