your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
