Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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