Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize