Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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