Will you blow on my dice?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
