If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
