I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
