fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So apparently I’m into choking now
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