Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I will pee on everything he values.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
