You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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