i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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