Yo dont text me then not text me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
