Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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