I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
