Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
