Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
