if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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