Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Are we still banned from the library?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
