hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
