your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize