omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
