Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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