I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
