im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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