my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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