My ATM looks so different sober.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
