He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize