Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
