i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
