The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Mom said you looked used
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize