I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
