Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
