dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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