Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
