it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
