After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize