If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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