their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
