Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
