it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I believe in your delicious
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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