my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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