Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
