worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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