My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
