don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You are the jesus of drinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
