just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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