Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Randomize
