Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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