haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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