Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
