I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im holly from the hills drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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