so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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