I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
