Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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