Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They are going to name an STD after you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
