I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
