she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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