**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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