fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
