thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize