There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
