There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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