I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
