i need an iv and a liver transplant
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
