I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize