he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
