What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
