You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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