By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
